“We are human beings, not human doings.”
Most of us spend the majority of our daily lives in “doing” mode. “Doing” is an activity that is externally and forward-focused, in which we typically follow a linear process of steps and actions towards a goal. In “doing mode,” we are trying to close a gap between how a situation currently is and how we want it to be.
This “doing” process and mentality serves us very well when trying to accomplish external-focused tasks such as running errands, preparing a presentation, or following a recipe. But with other types of things such as building relationships, creative problem-solving, or finding inner peace, a pure “doing” approach won’t work. That is because in these situations, we need to “be.”
In “being mode” we are centered and living in the present. We are open and willing for thoughts and ideas to flow through us without forcing anything. We allow things to be as they are. As such, we give space for solutions to emerge that may not arise in a linear “doing” mode.
Both “doing mode” and “being mode” can be beneficial in different ways and circumstances. The problem is that, in today’s modern world, we are out of balance. As a society, we overvalue “doing” and undervalue “being”.
Typically, when we meet someone for the first time, for example, we ask “what do you do?” On Monday mornings, we ask our colleagues, “what did you do over the weekend?” And children growing up are asked, “what do you want to do when are older?” This mentality and language emphasizing “doing” has us focus on people for what they do, rather than who they are as a person.
The way we reward or honor people is also usually based on “doing” something like winning a competition, closing a deal, or doing well in school. And when a child misbehaves, there is a tendency to yell “what did you DO?!”
We must not forget the role of modern tech in pushing us to “do” rather than to “be.” Even while standing in line at the store, we often find ourselves answering email, sharing a post on social media, or informing ourselves of the latest news.
How often do you work so much that you have no time left over to exercise, meditate, read a good book, or nourish your soul in some other way? Or how often have you heard people brag about how few hours they’ve slept because they were so busy getting things done?
When we are out of balance and “doing” too much, we become disconnected from what really matters. Life becomes one big to-do list and we lose sight of our higher-self vision and the big picture of life. Our self-worth gets connected to what we do, not to who we are.
How might things be different if we focused on “being” instead?
How would our lives change?
Imagine if upon meeting someone new, we began the conversation with “what excites you in life?” or “who do you want to be?” The conversation would immediately become more profound, authentic, and rich.
Or when a child misbehaves, instead of reprimanding him/her for what they did, we asked “what kind of person do you want to be?” Wouldn’t this enable a reconnection to human values and perhaps even encourage the child towards embarking on a new life path?
Indeed, “being” is about connection at many levels.
- It’s about taking time to reflect on yourself, your emotions, your ideas, and your purpose.
-> Just BEING with yourself. - It’s about taking time to deeply connect and listen to others in conversation instead of rushing through each coffee-chat to get to the next.
-> Just BEING with the other person. - It means spending quality time outdoors, breathing in fresh air, and observing the natural rhythms of plants and animals.
-> Just BEING in nature
