I remember participating in my first women’s circle when I was six years old. Every other Wednesday, when my father would attend his New Warrior’s men’s group, my mother would invite my sister and I to have our own little women’s night. I remember we would sit facing each other on a red carpet in the corner of her bedroom, light up some incense and place a candle in the middle. We would spread out some guidance and wisdom cards, have discussions around these or other topics that came up, and sing a variety of songs.
When I recently asked my mother about her motivation for these little circles, she answered, “It was a double motivation. First, it was a wonderful way to bond the three of us. And secondly, I thought it was important for you to be in touch with your feminine. This was something I was never encouraged or invited to do. I wanted you two girls to be happy and proud and comfortable about your feminine.”
It is only recently that I realize how grateful I am to my mother for initiating my sister and I so early in this way. What I also didn’t realize at the time was that my mother was introducing us to an age-old practice that has been around for millenia.
Circles with a sacred center are the oldest form of social interaction. Cave art, paintings and other ceremonial relics suggest that human beings already gathered in circle to hear stories, worship their gods and goddesses, and to pass down their traditions more than 30,000 years ago.
Women in particular would gather regularly based on lunar and menstrual cycles. These were often opportunities for intergenerational connection as grandmothers, mothers, and daughters spent time together. Collective wisdom regarding the transition into womanhood, one’s role in community, and how to use plants for medicine, for instance, would be passed on among the generations of women.
What happened?
This began to change approximately 6,000 to 4,000 years ago when social ideologies began to shift, emphasizing linear thinking and behaviors. The practice of gathering in circle began to decline as men and women became passive receivers of information and instruction in an increasingly hierarchical system. Thus, community and egalitarianism were replaced with separation and divisiveness. In addition, anything seen as pagan was deemed evil among many powerful religions, further causing a decline in sacred circle ceremony.
Looking around at our modern society today, it is evident that circles are missing. Segregated communities, single family households, and increasing rates of loneliness are only a few telling examples. We have lost that deep and regular connection to each other and ourselves.
Women’s Circles Today
Despite a sharp decline, circles are still being brought together today all around the world. Many indigenous groups such as several Native American tribes of North America and the Masaai in Kenya, continue to meet in circle where culture, language, wisdom, ceremonies and rituals are handed down. In some places such as among the Ulithi women of the South Pacific, breastfeeding women join menstruating women in huts, in “kind of a party atmosphere.” We know in particular that hunter-gatherer tribes, including those who have been primarily disconnected from modernization (some until recently) join in circle for story-telling and tribal ritual.
But it is not only indigenous women that gather in circle today. According to Ann Landaas Smith, founder and director of Circle Connections, there are menstrual hut and “red tent” moon lodge traditions all over the world that date back to 800 CE and in some places are still practiced today. These are “seen as sacred spaces for women and girls to affirm their spirituality and sexuality, and to heal from the wounds of patriarchy [through connecting with each other],” she says.
The last thirty years have been witness to a revival of women circle gatherings all over the world as well as a quick search on Google will show. For instance, there are now several global networks offering women’s circles, gatherings, and trainings such as Circle Connections, Lean In Circles, Sistership Circle Movement, Global Sisterhood Circles, and Wild Woman Project.
Celebrities like Jennifer Aniston also regularly participate in Goddess Circles before major life events such as weddings and births. And business women are also realizing the benefits of gathering in circle, building trust, connection, and support.
What does a Women’s Circle Today Look Like?
Women’s circles of today are often defined as safe spaces to come together, share, be listened to, and support each other. In circle, advice is not given and criticism, judgments, and comparisons are left out. Together, women in circle create a safe and confidential space, to share without fear. It is a space where you can take off your mask to be completely and authentically yourself.
Women’s circles enable us to disconnect from the busy external world, from social networks, and completely immerse ourselves into ourselves. There can be deep sharing, storytelling, and discussion, but also movement, touch, silence, and immersion in the beauty of music and nature. There is typically an altar in the center of the circle where sacred objects and items for sharing are welcome. Circles can last anywhere between an hour to several hours, depending on the occasion.
In every circle, one or more women are responsible for organizing and convening the circle and its contents. These are the facilitators. Facilitation is a different form of leadership from what many are used to. Instead of giving instructions, a facilitator holds space, coordinates, and inspires others to bring out the best in themselves. A facilitator also helps participants find their own answers. This type of leadership promotes creativity and confidence, instead of obedience, dependence, or fear.
Benefits of Women’s Circles
By joining in circle we connect to ancient wisdom and our innate knowing. In circle, we provide each other with a gentle, loving and magical space where we can rediscover, nurture and honour the feminine within. A circle can recharge us with energy when we feel weak and helps us remember the power and wisdom of feminine energy. It is also an opportunity to connect with other women on the same path of inner and personal development, supporting us to achieve our goals and dreams.
Coming together in circle with other women has several other benefits as well:
- Women’s circles help us deal with stress. When we are feeling stressed, we go into fight or flight mode, which releases a hormone called cortisol from the adrenal glands. Men typically respond to this release of cortisol by becoming more aggressive. Women on the other hand, generally respond by wanting to gather more, something known as the tend and befriend response. A supportive circle of women offers this and will activate oxytocin, the hormone of nurturing and connecting with others— the same hormone that is released when you cuddle and that makes you feel safe.
- Secondly, a women’s circle helps you realize you are not alone. Have you ever felt isolated while facing a challenging situation, feeling that no one understood you? In circle, you get to hear the challenges of other women and often find out they face similar obstacles as you. This can not only help you get through your challenge but it also creates a commonality in which you no longer feel so alone. For me personally, sharing with other women has been a key source of sanity and support, keeping me from going crazy!
- Finally, gathering in circle reconnects us and activates the power of our ancient ways. Circling with women reminds us of the times when women were honored for their feminine wisdom and their connection to Pachamama’s/Mother Earth’s healing powers. It is a space where we can appreciate who we really are as women and our place in this society. Together we remember where we come from, where we are going, and how we want to get there. Together we envision and manifest our dreams.
The Future of Women’s Circles
I believe more and more that women’s circles will play a key role in the evolution of our species that will lead us away from competition, emotional repression, domination and violence, and instead towards a new consciousness that cultivates care and interconnection, values our feelings, links personal transformation with social change, and reminds us of the sacredness of life.
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I run online and in-person women’s circles as part of my Soul Sister Shining Facebook group. You can request to join the group here.
PS- There are many great men’s groups and circles out there too! For instance check out Circles of Men Project, The Mankind Project (New Warriors), and the Men’s Circle. I have also been part of many mixed human circles which are equally powerful in their own way.